Got some new stuff on Sunday. Including a New Harness. We went to the Park to try it out.
It’s very red. The girl Younger Human says red isn’t my colour. She says I’m more blue and black, but that This Red is still Handsome. When I was Smaller I had a dark blue collar and lead. The Sort of Shiny Stuff most dog leads are made of. I agree with her, but I like this New Harness. My Old Harness was black. To match all three of my leads (Stretchy/Shock absorbing, Normal, Ex-Stretchy with Human Belt and knot tied halfway down to made it a Usable Length). The aforementioned Younger Human said it made me look like I was Gift Wrapped with the loops and clip standing up on top. She said it was a Simple design normally used for Tiny Little Yappers (although the Shiny Black with silver/white thread was nice), but we all got used to it. It Chafed and it held me back when I tried to run free from the Leash Holder. This was, just to be clear, a Flaw. Rrrrrrr
The New Harness is perfect. It has padded bits that sit perfectly between my impressive shoulders and still show off my incredible muscles. It is wider, so it doesn’t dig in under my impressive shoulders (in my armpits). It is a Better Design for Real Dogs, like Chloë’s but better. Two straps going around my chest and neck and two straps connecting them top and bottom.
It’s very fancy. It has a clip for leashes at the front under my neck and on the top. It has a little loopy thingy on top where the humans tuck a packet in, for their strange tidying habits. I admit that this does look a bit like a bow or bee wings, so the Gift Wrapped thing is still existent. It also has a sort of handle so that the Leash Holder can grab me. Not so sure about that.
It is a Harness for Advanced Modern Hounds, for Real Big Handsome Dogs. It is of Good Taste (when the packets are in the loop of the leash) It makes me look Smart and Brave and Neat (1=yes. 2=yes. 3=umm), not a Gift Wrapped Little Yapper.
–Marshall the 1/8 Bluetick Coonhound 7/8 Foxhound
*Note from Human: Smart=sometimes. When not necessary. Brave=hardly. Not around hairdryers, brooms, taps, people in swimming pools… and the occasional angry kitten